It’s 15 years since he left Scotland for home and the occasion calls for a special lunch at Edinburgh’s L’Escargot Bleu. We’re not exactly slaying the fatted calf for the prodigal’s return but, at £65 for three courses we’re not far off it. This better be good.

The room is certainly atmospheric and screams out La Belle France – so does the menu. Service is prompt and friendly with a very nice French lady explaining l’ardoise and daily specials. We go a la mode and take a Ricard as an apéro to mull over the blackboard – not that I’ve ever seen a Frenchman have a pastis before a meal.

Kurt reports that the New Zealand economy is bumping along the bottom and mired in Covid-related debt. The country’s lacklustre professional politicians, disconnected tub thumpers with no real hinterland or experience outside politics, seem incapable of fixing things. Hmmm sounds familiar…

He comments that he has been shocked at how tired and shabby Scotland’s town centres have become. I mention an excellent recent interview with John Major who revealed that Brexit has cost the British exchequer £40 billion a year. Oh well, at least we’re doing our bit to restore the Auld Alliance here in Broughton Street.

L’Escargot Bleu is a cut above the usual bistro/brasserie and that is reflected in the wine list, as well as the price list. I select a Chorey-les-Beaune by Domaine Tollot-Beaut, one of the best producers. It’s versatile and light enough to go with my seafood vol-au-vent. Velvety and smooth, it is a good Pinot Noir from Burgundy. But not as good as some of the top New Zealand vintages that are eye-wateringly expensive – an observation that affords Kurt the opportunity to reminisce about visiting the vineyard of actor Sam Neil and enjoying lunch and drinks with him.

This mention of Hollywood brings back memories of a dreary Employment Tribunal in Dundee enlivened with a bombshell accusation by a masseuse at the Old Course Hotel who alleged that a friend of the owner had performed what the papers termed “a vile sex act” in front of her. The tribunal chairman ruled that the Hollywood star at the centre of the allegations could not be named – an injunction blithely ignored by the National Enquirer in the US which found out somehow… It was a story that put me off Dances With Wolves and Waterworld for life.

Aha! The starters arrive and mine looks seriously good. A delicious scallop cooked to perfection sits atop a flaky pastry shell of sumptuous seafood veloute brimming with mussels. It is scrumptious and so are the girolles and broad beans from the restaurant’s own garden. I eagerly tear into the dish forgetting to take a picture when … Sacre bleu! lurking at the bottom of the vol au vent – like a known thief skulking in the shadows – are three halves of baby potato. Now I do take a photo. I’m seeing rouge at L’Escargot Bleu.

You must be joking! I know that times are hard for restaurants but to bulk out a seafood vol-au-vent like this from a £65 lunch menu is a bit of an insult. So, can I offer a tip to L’Escargot Bleu? Go to Farmfoods and buy two 1.5 kilo bags of their fantastic frozen king prawns for £30 and bung a couple of crustaceans in the mussel sauce.

The next course better shape up – we’ve ordered lamb and my Kiwi guest is an authority. Happily, it passes the kiwi test with flying colours. Two tranches of tender, pink, roasted deliciousness with a slice of lamb farcie are presented with the freshest of garden vegetables and a light gravy. It is fine dining at its best.

For dessert we both opt for prunes in Armagnac – both a dessert and a digestif at the same time. I enjoy the prunes but decline to drink the Armagnac – there was a time…

I will return to L’Escargot Bleu – which also boasts a very nice wine bar downstairs – but I might avoid the vol-au-vents.

Verdict 7/10
https://www.lescargotbleu.co.uk