And finally… clever Dick

A burglar who was found to have amphetamines taped to his penis has told the court he was hiding them from his wife.

Mark Wright, 43, appeared in Newcastle Crown Court after he was bungled breaking into a home in August.

After his arrest, officers conducted a cursory strip search and discovered thirteen wraps of amphetamines - or “speed” - “strapped to his penis and testicles” using Sellotape.

A sheepish Wright told officers: “It’s whizz, for personal use.”

Lawyer Alec Burns told the court: “He was taking amphetamine to allow him to work longer hours. He had to buy the drugs and got into debt.

“He was hiding the fact he was using drugs again from his wife, who would have stopped him had she known.”

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